Aching Pain

I live with chronic pain, thanks to a drunk driver.  I was struck one day with how the progression of physical pain parallels that of the emotional pain that can come from being in problematic relationship.

It starts off as an ache
that, untended, grows
into the generalized pain
of neuralgia.

Then the burning starts
as though flesh 
is being ripped
from attachments 
 
like pulled pork barbeque.
You can feel the pathway
of every nerve 
stinging along

until it stabs
and jolts 
and sucks your breath
so you can do nothing

but feel pain,
all-consuming pain.

Then the numbness begins
with painkillers
and work’s distractions
meant to call retreat

to the ever-advancing pain
that just lurks
waiting to ambush
and kill the initiating problem.

There is now just numbness
where once a heartbeat
skipped with joy
at the sight of you.

And I am afraid
of the healing reverse,
of having to come off my meds
for the rehab of this marriage,

of having to experience again
the jolt of neglect
the stab of straying
that hurts to breathe.

I don’t want to go back
along my nerve’s pathways
to be ripped apart again
and stew in burning anger

only to be left in the end
as at the beginning
in the generalized pain
and dull ache of loneliness

for the wanting of you
wanting me.

                    © 2009 Tess Lockhart.  All rights reserved.