Aching Pain
I live with chronic pain, thanks to a drunk driver. I was struck one day with how the progression of physical pain parallels that of the emotional pain that can come from being in problematic relationship.
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It starts off as an ache
that, untended, grows into the generalized pain of neuralgia. Then the burning starts as though flesh is being ripped from attachments like pulled pork barbeque. You can feel the pathway of every nerve stinging along until it stabs and jolts and sucks your breath so you can do nothing but feel pain, all-consuming pain. Then the numbness begins with painkillers and work’s distractions meant to call retreat to the ever-advancing pain that just lurks waiting to ambush and kill the initiating problem. There is now just numbness where once a heartbeat skipped with joy at the sight of you. And I am afraid of the healing reverse, of having to come off my meds for the rehab of this marriage, of having to experience again the jolt of neglect the stab of straying that hurts to breathe. I don’t want to go back along my nerve’s pathways to be ripped apart again and stew in burning anger only to be left in the end as at the beginning in the generalized pain and dull ache of loneliness for the wanting of you wanting me. © 2009 Tess Lockhart. All rights reserved. |