Job's Modern Lament
.There’s only so much
a person can take, Lord. Murder, abuse, abandonment, and then self-punishment because surely you wouldn’t allow someone to go through all this unless they deserved it, right? At least if we punish ourselves we get to control when the shit hits the fan so we can take cover ahead of time. If you said you wouldn’t put anyone through more than they can handle, then you lied. I did all the work. I sought your wisdom, and I didn’t turn aside to the women calling to me to come play in the marketplace. I stayed faithful, though love too often went unmade. I stood up for what was right, but I wasn’t blessed when I was persecuted for your name’s sake. Evidently your providence only seems to cover some-- your elect? Well, I guess I’m not one. The whole thing seems fixed somehow, fixed against me. Yes, I hear how this lament is centered on me not you. I know how purposeless it is to bring you to my court when you are Justice itself working in mysterious surprise I cannot foresee but only go with, surfing the words as they come. I am no lawyer, only innocent guilty plaintiff who’s been wiped out time and time again, going under for the last time. But if it please the court, may we dispense with closing arguments about ostrich parenting and mighty wild animals of your creation? I remember who I am in your grand scheme. I'm requesting that you assign me an Advocate and call off your behemoth Adversary. I know my place—solely at your mercy-- and I am grateful to be alive to raise lament at all. At least mostly. I know this-- in my head, and maybe even in my heart. But not in my bowels, so I'm keeping a wary eye on you. In the meantime, hang with me while the jury's still out trying to convince my constipated soul of what's so obviously true, please? © 2012 Tess Lockhart. All rights reserved. |